Party council and theoretical physicists united in praise for Labour’s Annual Conference
The president of the Labour Party Moira Coatsworth received praise from an unusual quarter today, with the NZ Association of Theoretical Physicists enthusing about the weekend’s gathering. While it was notable for being the biggest conference since the 1988 conference, the real success was in providing all 622 delegates an entirely unique experience. “Through the various media reports and posts in social media over the weekend, it was clear that while our delegates may have appeared to be in the same room, they all experiencing an entirely different conference from each other” said Coatsworth. “We had hoped to provide a personally-tailored experience, but this has exceeded even our most optimistic expectations. Upon receiving their conference packs, delegates were then randomly assigned to one of a series of alternate dimensions for the remainder of the weekend.”
Coatsworth suggested looking at the media reports as a case in point: “John Armstrong saw a coup, Bomber was able to find the conspiracy he craves, and Laura McQuillan was able to coordinate her purple media pass with her pants. Though these people were seated within about 5 metres of each other, they all had an entirely unique, totally contradictory, personalised conference experience. That’s the power of a mass multi-dimensional reality shift.”
It didn’t all go off without a hitch though - there appeared to be a problem with the dimension provided for Patrick Gower, which resulted in him asking David Cunliffe the same question all weekend long. “There was some sort of glitch, and we would like to apologise to Patrick and David for that. It was unpleasant for everyone and we’ve got people looking into it.”
Those people are likely to be researchers from the Dansing-on Callaghan Sgrave Nano-Reality Research Facility. While no-one from the facility would go on record to speak about their discoveries, a source did describe how they stumbled upon dimensional micro-reality shifting. “We were following Parliament, and noticed that there was a lot of talk about ‘Planet Key’, ‘Planet Labour’ or ‘Planet Green’. We had been searching for these planets for months without success. Then, one of our post-docs realised that they weren’t actually planets, but a series of alternate dimensions.”
Suspicions were aroused in the scientists by the apparent cognitive disconnect between John Key and John Banks. “It looks as though Key has been lying and hissing through his teeth, but when you consider that he and Banks exist in entirely different dimensions from one another, it starts to make more sense.”
The Labour Party conference was the first time in which the technology had been rolled out in a large scale public setting, and Coatsworth was beaming about its success. “This has been a fantastic conference and if you talk to delegates, they’re all buzzing - and all for different reasons. A personal highlight for me was Grant Robertson’s one-man performance of the Mikado on Saturday night, and I did enjoy watching Chris Hipkins try and get the correct change out of a coke machine on the Sunday morning too (which was caught on security camera here). We’ll be looking to do the same thing at Labour’s conference in Christchurch next year.”
